I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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