You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
