whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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