The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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