I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
