hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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