I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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