dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
