a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
