70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
