Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
