My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
