I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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