I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
