Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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