I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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