Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
