evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
