I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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