Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
please don't ironically join a cult
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