i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just want nice things and good sex
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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