Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize