Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
