I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
