so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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