Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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