Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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