This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
