what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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