Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
