I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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