I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
