Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
