My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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