he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
