i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
