i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
