Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
