If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
