More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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