if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
