Swine flu. Run for my life!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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