We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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