Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
