i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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