cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize