We need to rekindle our bromance
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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