and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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