I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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