rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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