I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
