Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
