Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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