Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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