shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
