Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
