There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize