i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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