finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize