and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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