What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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