Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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