How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
